Wolf of Merapi

I’m a wolf, howling in a howling night
wandering around under the rain of ash and dust
the breeze is thousand needles stabbing my bony limb
leaving hundred deadly pains
through the very depth of my bones

the ground is soft,
so soft that my body trembles stepping on it
on the ground, shallowly buried countless bodies
scattered
black, brittle, burnt bones scented
death the aroma of the sphere

I’m a wolf, howling in a howling night
wandering around for meat to eat
there are but ashes, dust, and over burnt things
to meet
and grey and black the sphere is

I’m a wolf, howling in the painful nights



Slope of Merapi, December 2010

Pertanyaan Padamu

Mintalah, maka kau akan diberi
Sudah kuminta, kumohon dengan darah
mengalir dari pelupuk mata
hampa
Ketuklah pintu, maka kau akan dibukakan
Sudah kuketuk pintumu, bahkan kugedor dan kudobrak
kosong
melompong
Apakah aku salah meminta
Apakah aku salah berkata kata
Apakan salah caraku mengetuk pintu
Mungkin aku tlah buta
mungkin aku tlah tuli
mungkin aku tak mau berfikir
karena malasku
karena tertutup hatiku
atau karena aku tak mau tahu …


Lereng Merapi, Desember 2010

Questions to Heavenly Lord

I met thee on the crossroad of my dream
then I asked thee the way my dream should go
Thou gave me a four-way beam
and asked me which wind I should blow
I again met thee under the blue of crying space
to thy see my bleeding cracked soul I gave in
then thou to me handed with grace a roll of lace
to darn the torn into my heart I let it in
Thou said, “A misery is a flame to wash the dirt away.”
“But how can I endure this long heart-breaking agony,” I replied


Lereng Merapi, Desember 2010

Kalau Saja Kau Tahu

Kalau saja kau tahu
ada yang berbisik di malam-malam kita
yang selalu tersekap selimut,
kalau saja kau mengerti
ada yang menguntai pucuk-pucuk randu
menjadi peraduan mimpiku
kalau saja kau sadar
ada yang mengguratkan hasrat
pada dinding-dinding sepi kita
tapi kau tak tahu
kau tak mengerti

Jemari ini menyimpan amuk rasa
buku-buku hati ini menuliskan bias kita
dengan tinta yang tak terbaca
guratr-gurat usia tlah memendam seribu peluhnya
terpaku
tapi kau tak tahu
kau tak mengerti.


Lereng Merapi, Desember 2010

Behold Me Lord

It is true everything bows down on thee
As the stones keep aside when thy shadow breeze
And the trees nod for thy steps in peace
And the hearts of joy upon thee to flee
When I gain my coin of life in the dream of gloom
With a diamond of lies sparkling on my dome
And the top of my head looking up to thy home
Then I start to know I dig out my tomb
Behold me Lord,
Behold me Lord,
This trembling soul cries from the black land of hope
Crawls with the dust of sin squeezing my throat

Behold me Lord …
Behold me Lord …



Yogyakarta, October 2004


A Sonnet of Rain

The pouring rain makes the ground wet

my thought flies to forbidden heaven banquet

and we transgress the beauty of gloom

cracking the doors of the forbidden room

A cup of venom wine on trembling hands

waiting for the passions to make it end

Our senses, the fakest dream, rolled up and down

and sins were dancing on us on and on

I left the chapter, drowned into another

like stranded water searching its way out

creeping tiny cracks, crawling over my soul.

The rain draws faces like snow in winter

then I need silence dagger to tear them out

and break this scattered faith into one pole.

Lereng Merapi, December 2010

Adakah ...

Adakah rindumu sehebat rinduku
yang mengguncang seluruh sendi dan
membangunkan getar pada setiap bulu
tubuhku
Adakah rindumu sekelam rinduku
yang mampu menutup senyum rembulan
pada pucuk-pucuk dedaunan
Aku merindumu
seperti nelayan menyambut musin ikan
seperti petani bergegas pada padi-padi bunting
seperti singa lapar di kerumunan kijang
Adakah rindumu memadu rinduku
seperti bunga menyambut datangnya kumbang
yang ’kan menghisap habis serbuk sari
seperti embun menyambut sapa matahari
dan melebur bersama angin
Aku merindumu
seperti sejuta seperti
tanpa henti ...


Lereng Merapi, awal December 2010